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Julie Barzman, Lifestyle Blog, About The Mommy Codes, Contact The Mommy Codes, Affiliate Links, Candid Motherhood, Mom Blogger, Motherhood Blog, Mom Blogger Los Angeles, Los Angeles Mom Los Angeles Mom Blog, Los Angeles Mom Blogger, Motherhood Coaching Coaching LA Motherhood Coaching, Moms Blog, LA Mom Blog, Mommy Blogger, Mom Life, Parenting, Parenting Tips, Los Angeles Parents
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HOW A CHILD CHANGES YOUR RELATIONSHIP

I’ve been asked this question perhaps two weeks into having a baby. It’s a question that comes up over and over again and I’ve been adamant to answer it. Within all of our life changes, I couldn’t yet explain how our relationship had changed. It had, of course, but there was so much work for us to do in multiple aspects, that I was waiting to feel more “experienced” before answering that question.

Changes can be scary and sometimes we are programmed to instantly feel “a change” as a negative. When people ask me that question, I do sense a whisper of fear; how do two people keep their flow when there’s a third little human coming along? or more for that matter…Here’s our experience, hoping it will help yours!

RELATIONSHIP OVERLOAD

When Kyle and I were first bombarded with a lot of changes, from the moment I started getting morning sickness twelve times a day, we stubbornly tried to hold on to what “was” which created even more friction in the what “is.” We had a hard time looking into what had to become our new daily habits: synchronization of our parenting skills, agreeing, co-parenting and making time for ourselves and each other. We fought hard to salvage the US, which is beautiful, but realistically the first year, our time together decreased and it was really hard to grasp how to work with each other to feel comfortable and whole.

FIRST-TIME PARENTS

I was breastfeeding Oliver, Kyle was working a lot and we were exhausted on sleepless nights. We were finding new ways to do things, sharing them with each other and finding out what worked for the both of us. Lots of hit or miss, miscommunication, not feeling relatable to one another and loneliness in our own roles at times…Not to mention that newborns, for first-time parents, can be really intimidating. It’s easy to be consumed by worries, anxiety and questions, yet so normal. We had very little guidance, and just that alone was so heavy on us to make sure we were constantly doing the right thing. This is something that we could’ve spared one another, but that stuff is scary! You hear a baby cry for the first time or go through their first fevers….it’s really daunting and not feeling alone in the process but feeling like a team is so important, no matter how scary it might feel.

To read up on my breastfeeding experience, click here. 

To read up on my struggles and feelings on becoming a mother, click here.

MOM AND DAD STATUS

Finding your own role as a parent is challenging. Finding it within your relationship can be difficult too. We both realized that we had subconsciously created barriers with each other, thinking that we could handle certain things by ourselves. Believing it was us being at service for our relationship, when really it was just making us even more exhausted and left out.

Learning to work as a team, parenting and being partners was not something anyone ever taught us, we had to teach ourselves. We are at a point where we are so much more confident with the choices that we make individually with Oliver and value the time we have with each other instead of thinking of the time that we used to have. Communication, empathy & agreeing on how we want to parent and be to one another worked really well for us. It’s all a work in progress. Relationships are like plants, you consistently have to water them.

CHANGE IS GROWTH

The motion of embracing changes and forgetting the notion of “change” is something that I realized was much easier than trying to keep things as they were. We understood that communication was really important, I couldn’t stress that enough. We had to learn to communicate in many different ways, through sleepless and overwhelmed days and constant go-go-go toddler mode. It’s definitely not easy but time, gestures of love, date nights and affection make a whole lot of difference.

ENJOY THE PROCESS

Every relationship has ups & downs. Children or not. I’d say a child tests your patience, time with each other and energy. Kyle and I have truly adopted the perception of how fast things go, how fast Oliver grows and how all these things are so temporary. We thrive to feel loved and give love on the daily. To each other and to Oliver. Bringing him up feeling as stable as possible is our main goal and truly makes us happy. It’s easy sometimes to lose sight but we’re always brought back to what our main purpose in life is, to why we are together and love each other. There are days where it’s hard to be in the same room and there are days where we don’t want to leave each other’s side…We all have moods and feelings (and hormones). It’s a matter of understanding that you’re only human! You can’t be perfect but you can try to do your best.

ADAPT

Making time for ourselves and for Kyle and me is really important. We are not as lucky as other people to have grandparents living in our city and both of our moms passed, so the time that we schedule weekly with each other is precious. We used to have date nights at 8 pm and now they moved to 4 pm, in bed by 10 pm because that’s our way to not hold on to the past and make sure we feel good parenting the next day. Or especially me because without 7-8 hours of sleep I can’t function and I’ve always been that way. If one of us is miserable, we’re both miserable. Finding a balance not just for you but for your partner is so important.

Certain things are so temporary…it’s important to be in the moment and not think of how every little thing will affect your relationship. Some things can just be more organic and graciously accept that they will pass even if they feel uncomfortable. Ask yourself, how can you see it with love? How can you put yourself first to be the best version of yourself for your partner, to be the parents your child deserves? Changes can be beautiful or difficult…it’s really a matter of focusing on how you can adapt as a couple, as a team, as parents and as an individual.

Julie Barzman, Lifestyle Blog, About The Mommy Codes, Contact The Mommy Codes, Affiliate Links, Candid Motherhood, Mom Blogger, Motherhood Blog, Mom Blogger Los Angeles, Los Angeles Mom Los Angeles Mom Blog, Los Angeles Mom Blogger, Motherhood Coaching Coaching LA Motherhood Coaching, Moms Blog, LA Mom Blog, Mommy Blogger, Mom Life, Parenting, Parenting Tips, Los Angeles Parents

TAGS:advicechangesparentingpregnancyrelationshiptips
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    December 20, 2020

    Wonderful blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any tips? Thank you!

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Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding.
⁠
Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠
⁠
#postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
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Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding. ⁠ Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠ ⁠ #postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
11 hours ago
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My little bird 🥰⁠
⁠
#mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
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My little bird 🥰⁠ ⁠ #mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
3 days ago
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I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠
without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠
⁠
I can't think of my angel baby⁠
without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠
⁠
There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠
⁠
The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. 

While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. 

To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. 

#postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
juliebarzman
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•
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I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠ without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠ ⁠ I can't think of my angel baby⁠ without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠ ⁠ There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠ ⁠ The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. #postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
1 week ago
View on Instagram |
3/4
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠
⁠
Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠
⁠
#themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠ ⁠ Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠ ⁠ #themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
2 weeks ago
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Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding.
⁠
Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠
⁠
#postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding. ⁠ Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠ ⁠ #postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
11 hours ago
View on Instagram |
1/5
My little bird 🥰⁠
⁠
#mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
My little bird 🥰⁠ ⁠ #mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
3 days ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠
without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠
⁠
I can't think of my angel baby⁠
without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠
⁠
There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠
⁠
The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. 

While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. 

To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. 

#postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠ without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠ ⁠ I can't think of my angel baby⁠ without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠ ⁠ There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠ ⁠ The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. #postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
1 week ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠
⁠
Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠
⁠
#themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠ ⁠ Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠ ⁠ #themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
Shop my must haves! From my preferred car seat option to baby bouncers, I’ve listed my baby must haves for you to shop! Send me a DM on Instagram if you have any follow up questions, I’m always happy to chat about these kinds of things. Link in bio 😘
juliebarzman
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Follow
Shop my must haves! From my preferred car seat option to baby bouncers, I’ve listed my baby must haves for you to shop! Send me a DM on Instagram if you have any follow up questions, I’m always happy to chat about these kinds of things. Link in bio 😘
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
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