FOR THE MOM WHO FEELS ALONE
First and foremost, I want to say that I’ve felt alone. Probably the loneliest I had ever been, although, I had everything I needed. I should’ve been the happiest human on earth, but creating a human comes with a lot of different emotions. Emotions filled with happiness, and other ones that are not always easy to admit, understand or simply navigate. That’s why, I’m opening up this conversation with you. It’s been a long two years of learning about myself, my health, my body, my powerful thoughts, my sadness, my struggles and my joy. This is why I started coaching. I’m going the explain further why:
If you don’t know me yet and this is the first time you are reading a blog post of mine: Hi, I’m Julie and I’m French. Born and raised in France and moved to the United States when I turned 18, thinking I was going to live the dream. Which I am, with major ups and downs, but that’s not the topic (and if you want to know more about me, you can check out my recent interview with VoyageLA here or click on About Me)!
Anyway, where I come from, medical is taken care of. Support is a given, and formulated in ways that make pregnancy quite smooth. You’re followed up on with blood tests to check on your general health and what nutrients, vitamins & such you need. There’s support for mental health, weight gain health, maternity and paternity leave & more… Why are those important? Because they can affect your pregnancy and postpartum, your quality of life, and your sanity. There’s guidance on what to expect and just a few guidelines to follow but always maintained to not be too overwhelming.
Needless to say, I personally had a horrible doctor and thanks to my shitty insurance at the time, I didn’t have that many options (or so I believed). He was actually so bad that I spent my whole pregnancy doing research on how to not have that doctor deliver my baby and how to go to my hospital of choice. I gathered tedious information from moms and doulas to not have him deliver my son. You can’t imagine the anxiety I had, the people calling me crazy and my gut just saying, follow your instinct. Well, I did it, I was able to deliver my baby at the hospital I wanted to with a great doctor by understanding the effed up system we have here and how to get around it.
Why am I telling you this story? Because this is America for some of us. There’s boxes, there’s choices and there’s not a lot of support if YOU don’t do your own research. No one will truly do it for you. What they will do is put a lot of pressure on what’s expected of you to do right after having a baby. Some have amazing support while others don’t. There’s a lot more of us that don’t, than do have support. Which this sums up my reason #1 for coaching. SUPPORT.
Turns out: a friend-of-a-friend’s wife, along with three other women, died during delivery from the person who should’ve been my doctor. I have no idea how and I just can’t wrap my head around it. Always follow your gut. If your doctor is not there for you in ways that you need them to be, there’s options.
Pregnancy and giving birth, postpartum and taking care of a baby is A LOT. The process takes a toll and there’s so many reasons why some moms feel so depleted, exhausted, depressed, anxious and more. I was one of those. At first, I had thought, well I’m a new mom. Yes, absolutely, but what I had to do was self-diagnose myself with what was depression, anxiety and depletion because no one else did it for me. I had been vaguely asked to fill out a multiple choice questionnaire of my “thoughts” at my son’s pediatrician just for them to make sure I wasn’t suicidal of some sort and sent home.
Again, “Thanks, bye.” I definitely wasn’t suicidal but I wasn’t in the best mindset. I knew something was wrong, and the process of realizing something is wrong finding a solution is tiring. I went to four different doctors, probably more and mainly because I had no clue what kind of doctor I was supposed to look for in the first place. Some couldn’t wait to put me on anti-depressants while others suggested I just wait.
Until I found a Naturopathic one who looked at my results and applauded me for even being able to get out of bed because I was in such terrible shape. I was depleted of my vitamins, minerals, my hormones were as imbalanced as the Pisa tower (Italy) and I needed help. She actually thought I was pregnant because more than a year later (yes, it took me that long to find someone) my hormones were as high as a pregnant woman.
I don’t know if you know what too much estrogen does to you, but I don’t wish it on anyone. Although, to get there, to even question that perhaps I had ANY deficiencies. To question that any of the food or products I was using for my house or myself could cause any of these symptoms, I had to make my own research. I have never had my eyes so wide open on the pharmaceutical corruption, food industry and more than NOW.
All of this, takes time, lots of reading and lots of patience. That I didn’t quite have with a new baby. Which, this, in Australia, France, Uk…is all part of an understanding called Postpartum depletion that is absolutely common and followed through. Here, I mean, *crickets*. You’re expected to “bounce back”, “be happy”, and don’t complain because it might imply that you don’t love your kid. Like, so much PRESSURE. Also, a much healthier lifestyle is provided to keep people safe. Here, it’s backwards, unless something makes someone sick and goes through years of testing and is finally agreed upon to being dangerous, then will it be taken off the shelves….So do you want to be your own health advocate? Why is it a luxury here? Information and knowledge is truly powerful. Reason #3 for coaching. Because momma, there’s lots to heal and you’re not alone.
As they say, “it takes a village” and it’s true. Some cultures will move mountains to help when there’s a new baby. While other cultures it’s a little bit less “put together.”. Another reason why I felt so alone is because we don’t have immediate family living nearby. And my first few months were brutal, that’s actually an understatement. But looking back and analyzing what I’ve gone through and those feelings of helplessness. Realizing that it was brutal not because I didn’t have someone picking dirty laundry or doing the dishes. I mean, I actually had help in that area, it was because I had no freaking clue what I was doing. I felt like I had delivered a baby and rolled out in a wheel chair at the hospital’s exit sign with a “Thanks and good luck.”….
Now what? I had to figure it all out on my own with Kyle. Through tears, fear and exhaustion and massive, I mean massive flow of opinions, comments, some very helpful life saving advice and some Susans that couldn’t help it with their comments “oh just wait! This is nothing.” (Right now, my eyes are rolling so far back I can see the back of my head.)
Anyway, THIS type of situation shouldn’t have to be this way. I shouldn’t have cried because my son had his first hiccup/burp at the same time and called my dad in tears. It should feel like someone is taking your hand through it, like you feel prepared and supported. I envied so badly, new mothers that had the chance to have their own mom by their side to show them everything, and still with that, we can still fell pressured and not guided. This is reason #2 for coaching because you shouldn’t have to feel alone.
4. RELATIONSHIP, MOTHERHOOD & OTHER LITTLE DISASTERS
I’m kidding, not of these things are disasters but they can be. When you’re lost, sad, not yourself, exhausted, overwhelmed. Your world doesn’t function correctly. And if your world doesn’t function correctly; your relationship and parenting doesn’t either. Kyle and I had so much to learn, re-learn and boy do your own discomforts and traumas and undealt-with things come out. Changes and not understanding certain emotions you’re going through is so challenging. Pressures of society, pressures of parenting, pressures on being a good partner, pressures on being happy. It’s heavy, so heavy. I invested in a life coach & therapy which was one of the best investments I’ve have made for myself. I realized how much I needed to build MY OWN village to be the mom, partner and woman I want to be. Yes, I did and I’m still doing. Reason #4 for coaching because the help I’m getting helps me so much. It wakes me up, motivates me and when I’m down, I know I have a support system to turn to. And I want to give that back.
I am here to talk! I am here to help! if you want to contact me or book your free session with me, CLICK HERE.