• Home
  • About
    • Motherhood Coaching
    • Facebook Group
  • Work With Me
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Search

The Mommy Codes

  • Home
  • About
    • Motherhood Coaching
    • Facebook Group
  • Work With Me
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Search
Julie Barzman, Lifestyle Blog, About The Mommy Codes, Contact The Mommy Codes, Affiliate Links, Candid Motherhood, Mom Blogger, Motherhood Blog, Mom Blogger Los Angeles, Los Angeles Mom Los Angeles Mom Blog, Los Angeles Mom Blogger, Motherhood Coaching Coaching LA Motherhood Coaching, Moms Blog, LA Mom Blog, Mommy Blogger, Mom Life, Parenting, Parenting Tips, Los Angeles Parents
Lifestyle Codes, Mommy Codes

GUIDE FOR NEW MOMS TO STOP COMPARING THEMSELVES

Having a baby and being a mother has involuntarily entered me in a competition game I had no idea about…

I’ve done a good job in my life at protecting myself in enjoying daily life goals, succeeding and working with others without having to outrun someone. I’ve never compared my skills.

Now, today, I’ve gotten into an uncontrollable spiral where I encounter competition on a daily basis and some days I have that feeling that I’m failing. I start getting anxious or feel less than capable, and it spirals into a toxic comparison that has presented for a lot of mothers in American culture. It started from the day I found out I was pregnant, to the day Oliver was born and hasn’t stopped.  It’s not just about my “performance” but how my son is moving along in this world. How is he hitting his milestones and how am I managing it all? The truth is, we all learn at our own pace and mothers can do it all, indeed – just not all at once. So, I have to stick to what I believe in; which is a more laidback, meant to be, it is what is, not-everything-has-to-be-explained philosophy.

Here are some of the hurtful, not-so-thought-out questions that are asked regularly to new mothers that I believe can be very harmful. Motherhood is full of changes and can be a lonely process. We are aware of the changes or differences that we go through. What a mother chooses to discuss is really, ultimately, HER decision.

“How did you gain that much weight?!”

“You didn’t lose your baby weight yet?!”

“Don’t you think your baby has to be colic?!”

“Your baby only weighs THAT much?!”

“Your baby weighs THAT much?!”

“Your baby doesn’t drink formula?!”

“Your baby isn’t walking yet?!”

“Your baby doesn’t say 20 words yet?!”

#1 – LET’S SWITCH THE DIALOGUE

If I told you how many times I’ve gotten these absurd questions, you wouldn’t believe me or you’d just say that you’re going through the same thing. It looks like some moms live to be better than other moms to quiet their own fears – which just creates more fear in other moms who are just going about their business. However, there is a real lack of support for mothers and it is understandable.

Pregnancy, children, parenting skills, weight loss, kids’ milestones…are personal. They are achievements in people’s daily lives that are so different from one another that they are not comparable.  In some countries, asking these kinds of questions is the most impolite thing you can do. So let’s switch conversations: let’s ask moms how THEY are doing, feeling and how their child is feeling. Allow any dialogue to come from it, organically.

#2 – KNOW IT ALL

There are also the “know it all people” who constantly judge you but have no idea what you’re going through, and this doesn’t just apply to motherhood *side eye*. It’s a form of laziness to speak about someone’s life thinking you know about the subject at hand, but in reality, you’ve never experienced it. Some people are better than others at putting themselves in your shoes…while others assume it wouldn’t happen to them.

#3 – YOU DO YOU, MAMA

What’s most important is knowing what you do for yourself and your kids. Trusting your gut feeling. Don’t let anyone make you feel like something is wrong with you or your child unless you know in your heart something is not right. If something is not right, that’s how life can be and you shouldn’t feel ashamed because you’re dealing with something “different” and I don’t even like that word, because it still creates a separation between all of us. We should be kind and understanding. Helpful and loyal. Calm and present. Listeners and honest.

#4 – RESOURCES

The greatest advice I’ve been offered is that we today have access to classes, specialists, tutors and more to enrich our child’s education. As new parents-to-be, we also have access to classes, books, blogs and more. There are resources for each milestone, even if you live in a smaller city, it’s approachable and if it’s not, maybe you could think of something to create that in your community! There’s nothing better than enriching yourself with knowledge. Parenting can ask for a lot of it, which is why I did my own research, read a lot of books and kept what served me and left behind what didn’t. Having educational, loving conversations can turn into valuable resources for everyone.

My point is there’s no race or actual competition that is part of our reality when it comes to kids or parenting – if you love competition so much, stop sitting around asking questions and go be an athlete.  Lately, I’ve really asked myself, what are my actions that will matter the most or be the most memorable/helpful? Being a good person and a good parent is what matters. Being present and at service.

I’m basically writing this post to encourage mothers and others to trust their paths and if some people make little things look like problems that don’t belong to you, let it go. I have days where I feel affected and all of a sudden I wonder: “why is my son not walking at 14 months?!” And then I realize…who cares!!!!! He’ll walk….when he’s ready! And that’s just the way it is.

We all have our own stories and different paces. It shouldn’t be hard to accept that, but apparently, it’s rocket science for some people. 😉

Julie Barzman, Lifestyle Blog, About The Mommy Codes, Contact The Mommy Codes, Affiliate Links, Candid Motherhood, Mom Blogger, Motherhood Blog, Mom Blogger Los Angeles, Los Angeles Mom Los Angeles Mom Blog, Los Angeles Mom Blogger, Motherhood Coaching Coaching LA Motherhood Coaching, Moms Blog, LA Mom Blog, Mommy Blogger, Mom Life, Parenting, Parenting Tips, Los Angeles Parents

TAGS:motherhoodpregnancy
1 Comment
Share

You May Also Like

4 Must Reads for Gentle Parenting

January 19, 2022

GOOD NIGHT SKIN CARE ROUTINE

November 10, 2018

Shop My First Months MUST Haves

May 23, 2022
  • Free Stuff
    June 19, 2020

    You made some clear points there. I did a search on the topic and found most people will go along with with your blog.

    Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous Post
SLEEP TRAINING BASICS
Next Post
TOP 10 GOOGLE SEARCHES
Hi, I’m Julie.

Hi, I’m Julie.

I'm living my most authentic life as a mom, as a partner, as a multi-cultural learner, and sharing every moment with you along the way.

I’m joining you from

I’m joining you from

Los Angeles, United States

Follow On Instagram

Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding.
⁠
Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠
⁠
#postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding. ⁠ Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠ ⁠ #postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
10 hours ago
View on Instagram |
1/4
My little bird 🥰⁠
⁠
#mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
My little bird 🥰⁠ ⁠ #mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
3 days ago
View on Instagram |
2/4
I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠
without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠
⁠
I can't think of my angel baby⁠
without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠
⁠
There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠
⁠
The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. 

While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. 

To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. 

#postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠ without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠ ⁠ I can't think of my angel baby⁠ without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠ ⁠ There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠ ⁠ The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. #postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
1 week ago
View on Instagram |
3/4
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠
⁠
Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠
⁠
#themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠ ⁠ Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠ ⁠ #themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
4/4

Recent Posts

  • baby codes, shopping codes, the mommy codes, julie barzman, my must have for baby, newborn baby

    Shop My First Months MUST Haves

    May 23, 2022
  • Conceiving after Loss, Pregnancy After Loss, PAL, Pregnancy, Julie Barzman, The Mommy Codes

    Navigating Pregnancy After Loss

    April 18, 2022
  • The Fertile Life Podcast, Dr. Shahin Gzadir, Fertility Expert, Fertility Podcast, Postpartum, pregnancy

    Episode 32 of The Fertile Life Podcast

    March 24, 2022

Search

Categories

Archives

Find the Mommy Codes on Instagram @juliebarzman

Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠
⁠
👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding.
⁠
Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠
⁠
#postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Here are three things I wish someone told me to prepare before coming home from the hospital with my newborn. I learned this all through lived experiences. ⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Set up a postpartum shelf on wheels with all my healing needs- most is provided by the hospital. Having everything on deck and reachable when needed, especially during exhausting times is very helpful.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 If breastfeeding, the first thing I did is contact a lactation consultant. Every breastfeeding journey is different with each baby and sometimes can be too daunting with do’s and don’t. This gave me direction and a following game plan.⁠ ⁠ 👉🏼 Take really good care of my nipples and have prepped meals- healthy meals that I froze prior and coconut oil for nipples and nipple shield cups were everything while my skin got used to feeding. ⁠ Do you have anything to add to this list?⁠ ⁠ #postpartum #newborn #postpartummom #candidmotherhood⁠
10 hours ago
View on Instagram |
1/5
My little bird 🥰⁠
⁠
#mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
My little bird 🥰⁠ ⁠ #mommaoftwo #candidmotherhood #themommycodes #losangelesblogger #postpartumjourney
3 days ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠
without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠
⁠
I can't think of my angel baby⁠
without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠
⁠
There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠
⁠
The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. 

While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. 

To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. 

#postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
I can't look at my rainbow baby ⁠ without thinking of my angel baby. ⁠ ⁠ I can't think of my angel baby⁠ without thanking for our rainbow baby. ⁠ ⁠ There isn't a world or heaven where a child is replaceable. 💔⁠ ⁠ The more I care for Zoë, the more my heart breaks for what happened to my little Blake. Grief of a child is the most awful thing I’ve ever had to go through and that has forever changed me. Holding him, kissing his little nose, birthing him for hours and having to let him go is my biggest heartbreak that keeps on hurting. While I get to hold my beautiful rainbow baby, my beautiful miracle, while I observe all of her…her eyes, her nose, life through her expressions and smile…I take it all in but my heart and body can constantly feel the hole of these moments that I’ll never get to have with him. To anyone who’s survived such a devastating loss…my heart knows how you feel at night when you close your eyes. My arms are wrapped around you. #postpartum #rainbowbaby #themommycodes #grief #letstalkaboutgrief
1 week ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠
⁠
Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠
⁠
#themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Hello friends! I'm Julie from The Mommy Codes. I introduce “mom life” codes throughout pregnancy and motherhood with a mission to bring more postpartum support, gentle parenting, traveling with children and exploring topics in a multi-cultural way and judgement free to help navigate motherhood as authentically as possible. ⁠ ⁠ Thank you for being here and following along on this journey. 🥰⁠ ⁠ #themommycodes #candidmotherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumhealth
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
Shop my must haves! From my preferred car seat option to baby bouncers, I’ve listed my baby must haves for you to shop! Send me a DM on Instagram if you have any follow up questions, I’m always happy to chat about these kinds of things. Link in bio 😘
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Shop my must haves! From my preferred car seat option to baby bouncers, I’ve listed my baby must haves for you to shop! Send me a DM on Instagram if you have any follow up questions, I’m always happy to chat about these kinds of things. Link in bio 😘
2 weeks ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
  • Home
  • About
  • Work With Me
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Search

© 2021 The Mommy Codes Site Powered by Pix & Hue.