I was going to get “non-invasive” lipo suction and here’s why I cancelled.
I’ve dreamt of this procedure, “non invasive” “freckle size scars” since I’ve been pregnant with Blake. I think every new mom has this contemplating plan to pamper ourselves with a little “mommy makeover”.
After losing my little Blake and getting pregnant with Zoë, my body has went through the wringer… Again… Three pregnancies weighs… Literally.
I’ve been eyeing this procedure for as long as I can remember, high hopes and non much thinking around it. The quick fix felt “enchanting.”
I finally pulled the trigger, set a date… My adrenaline was running… “Omg I’m doing it! Next week!!! What?!? Hold up…”
I started doing more research about this non-invasive procedure.
My favorite blogger had just opened up about doing it, and it seemed like it was seamless. What’s not to like, really? It dawned on me that I probably should a little more research. Like this is all a little too easy…
I went into a rabbit hole of REAL testimonials, like the raw ones, that aren’t paid or influenced. A narrative came back where, the results were pretty good… great for some… BUT the recovery was downplayed completely. The non invasive was maybe not so not invasive? My naïve self was crushed.
Rabbit hole I go; my pros and cons are swarming and this day to day conflict grows unbearable.
First of all, I just had a baby ten months ago. In their book that’s a long time. In the world of hormones, that is nothing especially after breastfeeding. Breastfeeding retains fat! No not ALL women lose weight while breastfeeding, some don’t at all, some will slightly but will plateau because of the prolactin hormone- anyway, I still am breastfeeding, yes you’ve read that correctly.
Am I ashamed to say that I was willing to put my breastfeeding to an end?
No, because I think it would be a disservice to all mothers to not admit that I suddenly felt like “enough” I want some “ME” time and my desire to “contour” my body and get rid of my fat, after silencing my “needs” for what feels like a FOREVER pregnancy/postpartum journey. While the alarm of quick fix was ringing, the inside conflict was just not feeling good.
The reality is I was banging at all the wrong doors… but self love, self patience, wisdom and the ultimate one: Caring properly for my little rainbow baby. I kinda stepped back, and actually looked at this behaviour under an “interesting light”
I began thinking to myself, “What is going on here? What am I not seeing? What am I not listening to?”
I found some road blocks
Too many road blocks were arising and coming to light into more of a realistic day to day and the “honeymoon” stage of the getting rid of fat narrative was less and less appealing. I wasn’t going to be able to have my little ZoZo climb on me, I wasn’t going to be able to give her the boob at night, I was going to kill my microbiome with antibiotics, I was most likely going to lose more weight if I wait for my body to stabilize, it was going to be painful, uncomfortable, itchy, compressed in Faja…..alllll for the price of a pretty penny and self worth?
I started seeing a theme, all the girls that had done the procedure, months later were still talking about the same struggles, mental health, relationship drama etc.
Changing things about you doesn’t fix what’s inside of you. It was so clear. It has been clear but clearer.
What “non invasive” trauma was I going to put my body through? We live in a world where it’s weird to not get lipo …and it truly challenged my morals, my values, my feelings about MYSELF and in that moment, as a mother as well.
The conflicting feelings were running high, I had to pay for the full procedure, the convincing on their part was strong…my voice of reason was like “listen to your gut!!!” This is not the RIGHT TIME. I finally canceled… three days before the surgery.
Did I feel bad? Absolutely not, this is my body and should be a big decision regardless of delusional beauty standards. I felt some kind of relief, my body thanking me. I looked back at Zoë and cried at the idea that I was preparing myself all week for this “separation” from her.
Even though the healing would’ve most likely only been two weeks, and I would’ve probably loved my results…
A part of me was not ready to part ways with my body just yet. I still need to work healing with my womb and on my priorities with grace and patience. A timing that is beyond a quick fix and a comfortable timing in my life. I’d want to this for ME, when ME feels good about ME and everything else around.
I literally did all of this roller coaster to MYSELF, all by MYSELF… I’m laughing now but I want to open up about it
I am so proud of myself
I am so proud of myself, for listening to my voice of wisdom, doing research, not just jumping into things even though they’re uncomfortable, picking the right time for me to do what I still feel like would be a dream procedure but for the right reasons if they ever do come up.
Ladies, protect your body and soul. You don’t need to look “perfect”, you just need to know if your choices aligns with your truth.
That’s my two cents on my invasive mental coo-coo week and going back to my baby girl, with my happy tummy pouch, my unharmed body, my milk flow still going and loving myself a little more.
