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Pregnancy Codes

What Helped Me to Conceive After Pregnancy Loss

This read may not be for everyone. Find out more about my thoughts on how I coped after losing my baby Blake Moon, my daily struggles, and honest truths about how my partner and I tried to navigate having another pregnancy after loss.

Trying to Conceive Again

There’s something about trying to conceive after pregnancy loss, that if you step back with a little hint of dark humour, you realize that it’s the definition of Insanity: doing something over and over and expecting a different result. 

Pee on a stick, ovulate, have sex, pee on another stick, cry or celebrate…and do it all over again. But in this case, the insanity of a woman’s desire to create life is simply hope. That piece of hope is all you can hold onto for a damn different result that can change your life. It’s really not an easy journey for some of us and I sincerely send so much tender love to women and men out there trying to grow their families.

How It Felt After My Pregnancy Loss

That’s how it felt at first for me after losing Blake, I mean even the thought of thinking about getting pregnant again was borderline admitting I was fucking crazy….and then again, it was questioning if I was fucking crazy for NOT trying again. 

We wanted our rainbow baby. We wished we had never ever experienced losing our son but we wanted our family to grow earthbound. 

Pregnancy Cycle

So, here we were again…waiting for my first period postpartum….Ovulation strips *barf*, re-opening those conceiving apps and keeping track of my period *double barf* I couldn’t believe we were back to square one after my body had already carried and birthed a child…a sleeping one…

My main concern was that conceiving was going to take a while. At that point, I was miserably desperate and equally terrified to get pregnant again.

I Couldn’t Believe It

I actually got pregnant very quickly, during our first cycle postpartum. Our first try. I couldn’t believe it and sadly, within a few weeks of pregnancy, on father’s day, I had an early miscarriage. A loss at any stage is a loss, and I decided I needed a “plan” to feel as safe as one can during pregnancy; I need to make changes. From my care team to making sure my fertility was boosted, I created a little protocol for myself. Some of the changes I had started early on after losing Blake like finding the doctor I knew I wanted once I got pregnant again, and I dedicated myself to start feeling healthy. 

We were so blessed to be pregnant again a month later. Here’s what helped me through the initial journey: 

The Mind

  • I was grieving while trying to conceive. I needed to heal. I read a lot of books, listened to podcasts, meditated and reached out to women who had gone through my experience.
  • I did EMDR and therapy

Some materials that helped me a lot were:

  • Joe Dispenza Rewired series
  • Expectful app meditations tailored to any stage in pregnancy or fertility journey.
  • The books: The Body Keeps The Score and What Happened to You 
  • Calm and Insight timer meditation app
  • Isha Kriya from Sadhguru
  • Podcast Under the Skin Death, Grief and Finding Meaning with David Kessler
  • My panic attacks and PTSD were still very intense and out of control, so we decided that medication would be helpful and without shame, it helped me a lot. 

The Body

  • Prenatals
  • Methylfolate
  • Inulin
  • Bone broth: Beef pre ovulation- chicken post ovulation 
  • Seed cycling (see photo below)
  • Fertility tea from pink stork (or whichever brand you trust) added goji berries to tea
  • Coq10
  • Ashwagandha
  • Chaste berry
  • Inositol 
  • Moon balance from your super 
  • Chinese herbs from 2elefants.com. I used two adequate herbs that fit what I was struggling with for fertility 
  • Pressed lubricant 
  • Exercising without workouts that raise cortisol
Seed cycling for balanced hormones

The Care Team

  • I had different doctors take a look at my tests results from my loss
  • I requested new lab tests
  • I searched and asked for referrals for sensitive and very detail-oriented OB

My must-care protocol with my OB that I wanted was:

  • Takes my insurance
  • Much more monitoring from the get-go
  • Progesterone before conceiving and continue IF pregnant
  • High-risk doctor on board starting at 20 weeks 
  • Easily reachable
  • Sensitive, good listener, responds to questions without shaming, has time to discuss
  • I considered getting a midwife too but my OB was so great I felt like I was in good hands.
  • Open to early induction
  • Weekly NST and ultrasounds mid-second trimester

My Words of Advice

The idea of conceiving again and jumping into trying again are almost like two heavily flowed rivers that eventually along the way connect but in the meantime, are respectively very difficult to navigate. Support, empathy for yourself, validating your feelings, expressing yourself, letting your anger out, feeling understood, inviting grief within…

These are challenges I had to navigate but just like a chess game, you take one step at a time. 

Read my blog Navigating Pregnancy Loss to learn more.

Julie Barzman, Lifestyle Blog, About The Mommy Codes, Contact The Mommy Codes, Affiliate Links, Candid Motherhood, Mom Blogger, Motherhood Blog, Mom Blogger Los Angeles, Los Angeles Mom Los Angeles Mom Blog, Los Angeles Mom Blogger, Motherhood Coaching Coaching LA Motherhood Coaching, Moms Blog, LA Mom Blog, Mommy Blogger, Mom Life, Parenting, Parenting Tips, Los Angeles Parents
TAGS:babybirthconceivingconceiving after losslossMom blogmotherhoodparentingpostpartumpregnancypregnancy lostthe mommy codes
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Here are things that my (new) doctors while pregnant with Zoë taught me and checked for at every visit.💕⁠
⁠
I am sharing your very own pregnancy checklist because I truly believe that in every tragedy there is an educational side for others to be shared that could make a difference. ⁠
⁠
Link in bio for more pregnancy tips! ⁠
⁠
#whattoaskyourdoctor #yourpregnancychecklist #mygriefjourney #stillbirthsurvivor #pregnancytips #losangelesblogger #momcoaching #healthcareadvocate
juliebarzman
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•
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Here are things that my (new) doctors while pregnant with Zoë taught me and checked for at every visit.💕⁠ ⁠ I am sharing your very own pregnancy checklist because I truly believe that in every tragedy there is an educational side for others to be shared that could make a difference. ⁠ ⁠ Link in bio for more pregnancy tips! ⁠ ⁠ #whattoaskyourdoctor #yourpregnancychecklist #mygriefjourney #stillbirthsurvivor #pregnancytips #losangelesblogger #momcoaching #healthcareadvocate
18 hours ago
View on Instagram |
1/4
Episode 7 ✨ BelleMaternity Podcast ⁠
⁠
In this episode, I share my (and my partner’s) story of loss, grief, and how our third child, Zoe came to be. I share openly, honestly, and truly – some details that I’ve not discussed before here on The Mommy Codes.⁠
⁠
Follow along, as Jey and I discuss how to navigate through grief, loss, and how to keep on living.⁠
⁠
Link in bio to listen!⁠
⁠
#motherhood #candidmotherhood #perinatalloss #griefjourney #themommycodes
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Episode 7 ✨ BelleMaternity Podcast ⁠ ⁠ In this episode, I share my (and my partner’s) story of loss, grief, and how our third child, Zoe came to be. I share openly, honestly, and truly – some details that I’ve not discussed before here on The Mommy Codes.⁠ ⁠ Follow along, as Jey and I discuss how to navigate through grief, loss, and how to keep on living.⁠ ⁠ Link in bio to listen!⁠ ⁠ #motherhood #candidmotherhood #perinatalloss #griefjourney #themommycodes
18 hours ago
View on Instagram |
2/4
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special. #rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special. #rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
4 days ago
View on Instagram |
3/4
March is Rainbow Baby Awareness Month 🌈 and it also happens to be Zozo’s birthday tomorrow

Very little people knew I was pregnant with my rainbow baby last year, on this day I was anxiously getting ready to get induced and praying to come home with her in my arms…

If I had to describe what she taught me? Stillness in the present moment. 

Too painful to look back, too uncertain to look forward. I felt like a balloon floating through each moment, supporting my constant “meditative state” - if I’d unravel, I’d notice it was always after getting lost into doing things while putting little thought into it; “coming back” to the present moment as I lost track of time was the most uncomfortable. So many questions rushing through my mind “did she kick?” “When was the last time I felt her” and the anxiety and uncontrollable worries would rise up…I eventually recognized the agonizing pattern and decided to put thought and connection to everything I did, even loading the dishwasher. I was PRESENT. 

One thing I will tell you, no matter how present you are, bringing home a new baby is life changing and rocks the boat no matter how connected you are to all of your desires and surroundings. You have to learn to appreciate the rocking. I had never been so thankful for sleepless nights that weren’t because of grief; You don’t have to be on the other side to fully appreciate the life experience you are having NOW. It sure “helped” me find joy in things that could’ve easily irritate me but that is in a sense, the dark gift of grief, it will teach you kindness and perspective on how everything is éphémère as we say in French; Short lived. 

So everything becomes precious. It’s hard to not live on the other side of grief; fear. I will admit I still work on that every day. The fear drives me to love harder…but step by step I am learning to see love to love harder.

I love you Zoë. You are fruition of the courage we put into taking a chance despite overwhelming fear… and one year later, with perspective and stillness, I can see clearly the hope you have given all of us. 

#rainbowbaby #rainbowbaby🌈 #stillbirthawareness #momanddaughter #momtruth #parentingblogger #oneyearold
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
March is Rainbow Baby Awareness Month 🌈 and it also happens to be Zozo’s birthday tomorrow Very little people knew I was pregnant with my rainbow baby last year, on this day I was anxiously getting ready to get induced and praying to come home with her in my arms… If I had to describe what she taught me? Stillness in the present moment. Too painful to look back, too uncertain to look forward. I felt like a balloon floating through each moment, supporting my constant “meditative state” - if I’d unravel, I’d notice it was always after getting lost into doing things while putting little thought into it; “coming back” to the present moment as I lost track of time was the most uncomfortable. So many questions rushing through my mind “did she kick?” “When was the last time I felt her” and the anxiety and uncontrollable worries would rise up…I eventually recognized the agonizing pattern and decided to put thought and connection to everything I did, even loading the dishwasher. I was PRESENT. One thing I will tell you, no matter how present you are, bringing home a new baby is life changing and rocks the boat no matter how connected you are to all of your desires and surroundings. You have to learn to appreciate the rocking. I had never been so thankful for sleepless nights that weren’t because of grief; You don’t have to be on the other side to fully appreciate the life experience you are having NOW. It sure “helped” me find joy in things that could’ve easily irritate me but that is in a sense, the dark gift of grief, it will teach you kindness and perspective on how everything is éphémère as we say in French; Short lived. So everything becomes precious. It’s hard to not live on the other side of grief; fear. I will admit I still work on that every day. The fear drives me to love harder…but step by step I am learning to see love to love harder. I love you Zoë. You are fruition of the courage we put into taking a chance despite overwhelming fear… and one year later, with perspective and stillness, I can see clearly the hope you have given all of us. #rainbowbaby #rainbowbaby🌈 #stillbirthawareness #momanddaughter #momtruth #parentingblogger #oneyearold
6 days ago
View on Instagram |
4/4

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Here are things that my (new) doctors while pregnant with Zoë taught me and checked for at every visit.💕⁠
⁠
I am sharing your very own pregnancy checklist because I truly believe that in every tragedy there is an educational side for others to be shared that could make a difference. ⁠
⁠
Link in bio for more pregnancy tips! ⁠
⁠
#whattoaskyourdoctor #yourpregnancychecklist #mygriefjourney #stillbirthsurvivor #pregnancytips #losangelesblogger #momcoaching #healthcareadvocate
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Here are things that my (new) doctors while pregnant with Zoë taught me and checked for at every visit.💕⁠ ⁠ I am sharing your very own pregnancy checklist because I truly believe that in every tragedy there is an educational side for others to be shared that could make a difference. ⁠ ⁠ Link in bio for more pregnancy tips! ⁠ ⁠ #whattoaskyourdoctor #yourpregnancychecklist #mygriefjourney #stillbirthsurvivor #pregnancytips #losangelesblogger #momcoaching #healthcareadvocate
18 hours ago
View on Instagram |
1/5
Episode 7 ✨ BelleMaternity Podcast ⁠
⁠
In this episode, I share my (and my partner’s) story of loss, grief, and how our third child, Zoe came to be. I share openly, honestly, and truly – some details that I’ve not discussed before here on The Mommy Codes.⁠
⁠
Follow along, as Jey and I discuss how to navigate through grief, loss, and how to keep on living.⁠
⁠
Link in bio to listen!⁠
⁠
#motherhood #candidmotherhood #perinatalloss #griefjourney #themommycodes
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Episode 7 ✨ BelleMaternity Podcast ⁠ ⁠ In this episode, I share my (and my partner’s) story of loss, grief, and how our third child, Zoe came to be. I share openly, honestly, and truly – some details that I’ve not discussed before here on The Mommy Codes.⁠ ⁠ Follow along, as Jey and I discuss how to navigate through grief, loss, and how to keep on living.⁠ ⁠ Link in bio to listen!⁠ ⁠ #motherhood #candidmotherhood #perinatalloss #griefjourney #themommycodes
18 hours ago
View on Instagram |
2/5
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 

Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special.

#rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special. #rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Happy birthday my beautiful girl 🌈 Your brother picked your birthday theme from the day you came home with us, “Mommy, can she have a rainbow birthday?” Yes, darling… She absolutely can 💕 Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes and who made her day so very special. #rainbowbaby #happybirthday #oneyearold #babybirthday #babybirthdayparty #rainbowtheme
4 days ago
View on Instagram |
3/5
March is Rainbow Baby Awareness Month 🌈 and it also happens to be Zozo’s birthday tomorrow

Very little people knew I was pregnant with my rainbow baby last year, on this day I was anxiously getting ready to get induced and praying to come home with her in my arms…

If I had to describe what she taught me? Stillness in the present moment. 

Too painful to look back, too uncertain to look forward. I felt like a balloon floating through each moment, supporting my constant “meditative state” - if I’d unravel, I’d notice it was always after getting lost into doing things while putting little thought into it; “coming back” to the present moment as I lost track of time was the most uncomfortable. So many questions rushing through my mind “did she kick?” “When was the last time I felt her” and the anxiety and uncontrollable worries would rise up…I eventually recognized the agonizing pattern and decided to put thought and connection to everything I did, even loading the dishwasher. I was PRESENT. 

One thing I will tell you, no matter how present you are, bringing home a new baby is life changing and rocks the boat no matter how connected you are to all of your desires and surroundings. You have to learn to appreciate the rocking. I had never been so thankful for sleepless nights that weren’t because of grief; You don’t have to be on the other side to fully appreciate the life experience you are having NOW. It sure “helped” me find joy in things that could’ve easily irritate me but that is in a sense, the dark gift of grief, it will teach you kindness and perspective on how everything is éphémère as we say in French; Short lived. 

So everything becomes precious. It’s hard to not live on the other side of grief; fear. I will admit I still work on that every day. The fear drives me to love harder…but step by step I am learning to see love to love harder.

I love you Zoë. You are fruition of the courage we put into taking a chance despite overwhelming fear… and one year later, with perspective and stillness, I can see clearly the hope you have given all of us. 

#rainbowbaby #rainbowbaby🌈 #stillbirthawareness #momanddaughter #momtruth #parentingblogger #oneyearold
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
March is Rainbow Baby Awareness Month 🌈 and it also happens to be Zozo’s birthday tomorrow Very little people knew I was pregnant with my rainbow baby last year, on this day I was anxiously getting ready to get induced and praying to come home with her in my arms… If I had to describe what she taught me? Stillness in the present moment. Too painful to look back, too uncertain to look forward. I felt like a balloon floating through each moment, supporting my constant “meditative state” - if I’d unravel, I’d notice it was always after getting lost into doing things while putting little thought into it; “coming back” to the present moment as I lost track of time was the most uncomfortable. So many questions rushing through my mind “did she kick?” “When was the last time I felt her” and the anxiety and uncontrollable worries would rise up…I eventually recognized the agonizing pattern and decided to put thought and connection to everything I did, even loading the dishwasher. I was PRESENT. One thing I will tell you, no matter how present you are, bringing home a new baby is life changing and rocks the boat no matter how connected you are to all of your desires and surroundings. You have to learn to appreciate the rocking. I had never been so thankful for sleepless nights that weren’t because of grief; You don’t have to be on the other side to fully appreciate the life experience you are having NOW. It sure “helped” me find joy in things that could’ve easily irritate me but that is in a sense, the dark gift of grief, it will teach you kindness and perspective on how everything is éphémère as we say in French; Short lived. So everything becomes precious. It’s hard to not live on the other side of grief; fear. I will admit I still work on that every day. The fear drives me to love harder…but step by step I am learning to see love to love harder. I love you Zoë. You are fruition of the courage we put into taking a chance despite overwhelming fear… and one year later, with perspective and stillness, I can see clearly the hope you have given all of us. #rainbowbaby #rainbowbaby🌈 #stillbirthawareness #momanddaughter #momtruth #parentingblogger #oneyearold
6 days ago
View on Instagram |
4/5
Here are things that my (new) doctors while pregnant with Zoë taught me and checked for at every visit.💕⁠
⁠
I am sharing your very own pregnancy checklist because I truly believe that in every tragedy there is an educational side for others to be shared that could make a difference. ⁠
⁠
Link in bio for more pregnancy tips! ⁠
⁠
#whattoaskyourdoctor #yourpregnancychecklist #mygriefjourney #stillbirthsurvivor #pregnancytips #losangelesblogger #momcoaching #healthcareadvocate
juliebarzman
juliebarzman
•
Follow
Here are things that my (new) doctors while pregnant with Zoë taught me and checked for at every visit.💕⁠ ⁠ I am sharing your very own pregnancy checklist because I truly believe that in every tragedy there is an educational side for others to be shared that could make a difference. ⁠ ⁠ Link in bio for more pregnancy tips! ⁠ ⁠ #whattoaskyourdoctor #yourpregnancychecklist #mygriefjourney #stillbirthsurvivor #pregnancytips #losangelesblogger #momcoaching #healthcareadvocate
7 days ago
View on Instagram |
5/5
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