What Helped Me to Conceive After Pregnancy Loss
This read may not be for everyone. Find out more about my thoughts on how I coped after losing my baby Blake Moon, my daily struggles, and honest truths about how my partner and I tried to navigate having another pregnancy after loss.
Trying to Conceive Again
There’s something about trying to conceive after pregnancy loss, that if you step back with a little hint of dark humour, you realize that it’s the definition of Insanity: doing something over and over and expecting a different result.
Pee on a stick, ovulate, have sex, pee on another stick, cry or celebrate…and do it all over again. But in this case, the insanity of a woman’s desire to create life is simply hope. That piece of hope is all you can hold onto for a damn different result that can change your life. It’s really not an easy journey for some of us and I sincerely send so much tender love to women and men out there trying to grow their families.
How It Felt After My Pregnancy Loss
That’s how it felt at first for me after losing Blake, I mean even the thought of thinking about getting pregnant again was borderline admitting I was fucking crazy….and then again, it was questioning if I was fucking crazy for NOT trying again.
We wanted our rainbow baby. We wished we had never ever experienced losing our son but we wanted our family to grow earthbound.
So, here we were again…waiting for my first period postpartum….Ovulation strips *barf*, re-opening those conceiving apps and keeping track of my period *double barf* I couldn’t believe we were back to square one after my body had already carried and birthed a child…a sleeping one…
My main concern was that conceiving was going to take a while. At that point, I was miserably desperate and equally terrified to get pregnant again.
I Couldn’t Believe It
I actually got pregnant very quickly, during our first cycle postpartum. Our first try. I couldn’t believe it and sadly, within a few weeks of pregnancy, on father’s day, I had an early miscarriage. A loss at any stage is a loss, and I decided I needed a “plan” to feel as safe as one can during pregnancy; I need to make changes. From my care team to making sure my fertility was boosted, I created a little protocol for myself. Some of the changes I had started early on after losing Blake like finding the doctor I knew I wanted once I got pregnant again, and I dedicated myself to start feeling healthy.
We were so blessed to be pregnant again a month later. Here’s what helped me through the initial journey:
- I was grieving while trying to conceive. I needed to heal. I read a lot of books, listened to podcasts, meditated and reached out to women who had gone through my experience.
- I did EMDR and therapy
Some materials that helped me a lot were:
- Joe Dispenza Rewired series
- Expectful app meditations tailored to any stage in pregnancy or fertility journey.
- The books: The Body Keeps The Score and What Happened to You
- Calm and Insight timer meditation app
- Isha Kriya from Sadhguru
- Podcast Under the Skin Death, Grief and Finding Meaning with David Kessler
- My panic attacks and PTSD were still very intense and out of control, so we decided that medication would be helpful and without shame, it helped me a lot.
- Bone broth: Beef pre ovulation- chicken post ovulation
- Seed cycling (see photo below)
- Fertility tea from pink stork (or whichever brand you trust) added goji berries to tea
- Chaste berry
- Moon balance from your super
- Chinese herbs from 2elefants.com. I used two adequate herbs that fit what I was struggling with for fertility
- Pressed lubricant
- Exercising without workouts that raise cortisol
The Care Team
- I had different doctors take a look at my tests results from my loss
- I requested new lab tests
- I searched and asked for referrals for sensitive and very detail-oriented OB
My must-care protocol with my OB that I wanted was:
- Takes my insurance
- Much more monitoring from the get-go
- Progesterone before conceiving and continue IF pregnant
- High-risk doctor on board starting at 20 weeks
- Easily reachable
- Sensitive, good listener, responds to questions without shaming, has time to discuss
- I considered getting a midwife too but my OB was so great I felt like I was in good hands.
- Open to early induction
- Weekly NST and ultrasounds mid-second trimester
My Words of Advice
The idea of conceiving again and jumping into trying again are almost like two heavily flowed rivers that eventually along the way connect but in the meantime, are respectively very difficult to navigate. Support, empathy for yourself, validating your feelings, expressing yourself, letting your anger out, feeling understood, inviting grief within…
These are challenges I had to navigate but just like a chess game, you take one step at a time.
Read my blog Navigating Pregnancy Loss to learn more.